Men: How to get the most out of therapy

As a psychologist and psychotherapist, I’ve spoken to many men who were hesitant about starting therapy, so I have decided to write a post on what it really is like and why you shouldn’t fear it.

It’s unfamiliar territory for many of us, and the uncertainty of what to expect can make it challenging. Some men leave therapy early, feeling like they’re not making real progress, while others stay in therapy for too long without seeing meaningful change.

Therapy can be transformative, but knowing how to approach it makes all the difference. Here are key ways to maximize your therapy experience:

Find the right fit

Therapists have different approaches, personalities, and styles. Not every therapist will be the right match for you, and that’s okay. Start by looking for someone who specializes in the issues you want to work on.

Give it a few sessions—at least two or three—before making a decision. If it doesn’t feel right, it’s okay to switch. Therapy should be a space where you feel safe, heard, and supported.

A recent article in Therapy Today (November 2024) highlighted that traditional therapy models don’t always align with the way many men process emotions. Ed Harkness emphasizes that mental health services need to be adapted to engage men more effectively, rather than expecting men to conform to existing therapeutic frameworks. Finding the right therapist who understands this can make all the difference.

Be open and honest

Many men struggle with opening up, worried about being judged or seeming weak. But therapy is a judgment-free zone where honesty is key. It is a place where you can speak in complete confidence.

Your therapist can only help as much as you let them. Being vulnerable allows for deeper growth, insight, and healing. It might be uncomfortable at first, but it’s worth it.

Show Up as Your Full Self

Therapy works best when you bring everything to the table—the good, and the bad.

Try to resist the urge to downplay your struggles. 

Naming emotions: The power of labelling

Many men struggle with understanding their emotions. The saying, “If you name it, you can tame it,” reflects a psychological principle backed by research—labelling emotions helps regulate them.

Here’s why this works:

Mindfulness and presence: Naming emotions makes us more aware of our inner state, pulling us away from reactive responses and into the present moment. This creates a sense of control, allowing us to observe emotions without judgment.

Reduces emotional intensity: Neuroscience research shows that labelling emotions activates the prefrontal cortex (responsible for reasoning and self-regulation) while decreasing activity in the amygdala (the brain’s emotional center). This has a calming effect, reducing emotional overwhelm.

Step away from rumination: Negative emotions often lead to repetitive, unhelpful thoughts and a lot of the time, ruminating about the past. Naming emotions breaks this cycle, helping us avoid getting stuck in constant overthinking.

Emotional acceptance: When we label emotions, it starts the process of accepting them rather than resisting or suppressing them. This emotional flexibility allows us to process emotions instead of being consumed by them.

Observing emotional intensity: Emotions are often described as waves—they rise and fall. Recognizing this pattern helps us “surf” emotions rather than trying to stop them, allowing for a more natural emotional release.

One of the best ways to improve emotional awareness is by expanding your emotional vocabulary. 

Instead of just feeling “angry” or “sad,” learning to identify frustration, disappointment, or anxious anticipation can increase self-awareness and emotional intelligence.

Explore Dr. Paul Ekman’s Atlas of Emotions for a deeper understanding of how emotions work:
🔗 Atlas of Emotions
🔗 Emotion Regulation vs. Emotion Awareness

Keep the focus on yourself

Venting about others can feel good, but therapy is about your growth. Instead of focusing on what others have done wrong, shift your attention to:

• How you think about situations

• How you respond to challenges

• What actions you can take to create change

When you take ownership of your thoughts and behaviors, you gain control over your own progress.

Work collaboratively with your therapist

A strong therapist-client connection is the most important factor in therapy success. But like any relationship, it requires effort.

If something isn’t working—speak up! Ask yourself:

• Is my therapist challenging me enough?

• Do I feel supported and understood?

• Am I actively engaged in the process?

Therapy isn’t about getting told what to do; it’s about learning how to make better decisions for yourself. 

The more direct and open you are, the more rewarding your therapy will be.

Bonus Tips to maximize therapy:

• Journal between sessions to track progress and emotions. Bring your journal with you and review your thoughts with your therapist

• Be patient— it takes time, but the effort is worth it.

As Harkness notes in Therapy Today, the traditional therapy approach often doesn’t align with how men have been socialized to think about emotions. This is why it’s so important to work with a therapist who understands these challenges and helps you engage in a way that feels right for you.

Therapy is an investment in yourself. It takes work, but when you show up fully and put in the effort, the impact can be life-changing.

Let’s start the conversation, keep checking our website for more insights and reach out if you have any questions.

References:

• Harkness, E. (2024, November). The big issue: The truth about men and therapy. Therapy Today. Retrieved from BACP Website

• Ekman, P. (n.d.). Atlas of Emotions. Retrieved from Paul Ekman Website

• Ekman, P. (n.d.). Emotion Regulation vs. Emotion Awareness. Retrieved from Paul Ekman Website